come saggiamente(e sfortunatamente) ha detto una mia cara amica....

così saggiamente(e sfortunatamente) io ripeto....

....l'unica cosa positiva è la storia con Roby......grazie Roby...ti voglio bene.....

 

ebbene sì....xkè la mia giornata positiva del rilascio della mia patente ha un seguito.arriviamo a sabato.inizio dalla fine:il pomeriggio tardi avevo una partita in Val d'Aosta...sarò breve...abbiamo vinto 66-58,ho fatto 28 punti sui 66 totali e ho giocato 38,5 minuti su 40....ma andiamo a vedere cosa è successo nel mattino e nel primo pomeriggio:a scuola gran giornata,ho fatto un gran compito di scienze e un gran tema sulla noia,ma il bello viene adesso...fuori da scuola c'era Roby che mi aspettava...dovevamo uscire insieme(5° appuntamento)...siamo andati a mangiare al cinese...è stato bello...davvero....poi siamo andati alla nostra panchina nel nostro parchetto in via cernaia...siamo stati lì un'ora a parlare e a coccolarci...ogni tanto cercavo di vedere se c'era l'occasione giusta x fare "quel passo in più"...ma niente....alle 15.35 ci siamo alzati xkè dovevo andare a prendere il treno e lei il bus...le ho dato una mano a mettere il cappotto e poi eravamo lì...io e lei...uno davanti all'altra...ho pensato(anche se non sono sicuro di averlo fatto,sapete quelle situazioni in cui agite così,seguendo l'AKUNA MATATA-ovvero il "senza pensieri") che era l'ultima occasione x fare "quel passo in più"...non volevo lasciare un vuoto con Roby...ho sempre cercato di fare ogni cosa nel modo giusto...non voglio passare x quello che affretta le cose,ma c'è un limite a tutto...e così l'ho baciata..............wow...............in quel momento il mio cuore ha smesso di battere x circa 2 secondi,poi è andato fuori giri....senza controllo...è stato davvero bellissimo assaporare le sue labbra....davvero...Roby è bello star con te....6 speciale....ti voglio bene...

Mamma mia.non ho parole.son passato dall'insicurezza totale di giovedì alla felicità e alla consapevolezza di quanto valgo di sabato.giovedì ho fatto un compito di mate di merda(alla fine ho preso 2...)...son tornato a casa alle 14.35 ho mangiato al volo un boccone e alle 14.45 sono uscito x fare l'ultima guida prima dell'esame di pratica di venerdì.ho guidato malissimo.sono tornato a casa verso le 16.00 quasi in lacrime un po' x tutto ciò che era successo e il bello è che,avendo una verifica di scienze sabato,dovevo studiare e non avevo il tempo di sfogarmi.dopo aver studiato tutto il pome alle 8 sono andato ad allenamento(non sono arrivato a dire "non ci vedo più dalla fame" se ve lo state chiedendo)...e di nuovo mi sono allenato di merda....avevo tanta paura...il giorno dell'esame ho studiato tutta la mattina(non sono andato a scuola) scienze...alle 13.45 sono uscito di casa x andare a fare l'esame;per la strada ho ascoltato 2 volte la mia canzone preferita(one degli u2) e ho detto 2 preghiere.ho visto passare tutti l'esame....io ho deciso(saggiamente??)di passare per ultimo...alle 17.35 sono entrato nella macchina...15 minuti d'esame...vi giuro che,x quanto fossi teso prima,non ho mai affrontato un esame con tanta concentrazione e tranquillità;pensavo continuamente "io faccio come so fare,se non lo passo pazienza,avrò dato cmq il massimo"...e l'ho passato....che gioia...mentre andavo a casa ho avvertito tutte le persone a cui tengo di più che non le avevo deluse...arrivato a casa ho fatto le scale di corsa,son entrato in casa e ho abbracciato la mia mamma!!!!poi la giornata è finita senza particolari emozioni...ma ripeto:CHE GIORNATA!ringrazio tutti quelli che mi hanno sostenuto:Michela,Dirupo,Susanna,Mihovil,la Eli,Zarra amore mio(angelo!!!!),Francesca Luglio,Roberta,mamma e papà...senza di voi non l'avrei passato...grazie....

Nonostante abbia una comunicazione importante da farvi,cioè che da oggi sono "PATENTATO"(a breve farò un intervento x farvi partecipi delle angoscie che ho patito all'esame),c'è una cosa che devo dire che in questo momento è LA più importante.....

 

 

After a long period...here i am...again!!i have big news!I'M REALLY HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!a lot things that before i didn't do(unfortunately) in the last days i did them!almost a week ago i've seen another deep crysis really soon...i've cried,i've had a lot of doubts,questions about me and my life...but i've tried to hold on a little bit more than usual....and everything is changed:i've played a good basketball match,also if we've lost(26personal points of 51 team's total),i've spoke about my past problems to other human people!and also a lot of little things that have helped me really much!!!Roberta has been great...with her smile she has changed(and she's still changing me everyday i'm sad) my bad days...i can't resist when she smiles...and there's also another person that has made a great job:Melinda.in the last period she has made a lot of little,but really important,things for me...she's so deep and sincere...Mely,i'm still thinking about your sms....trust me,everything's changing...in positive...i'm feeling it...Roby & Mely...I CARE ABOUT YOU!!!

 

 

Dopo un lungo periodo...eccomi qua...nuovamente!!ho 1 così grande notizia!!SONO AL SETTIMO CIELO!!!!!!!!!!!tante cose che prima non riuscivo a fare(purtroppo) negli ultimi giorni le ho fatte!!quasi una settimana fa ho visto molto vicino il tunnel di un'altra crisi profonda...ho pianto,mi son venuti molti dubbi,molte domande riguardo me e e le mie scelte di vita....ma ho provato a resistere un po' di più del solito....e tutto è cambiato:ho giocato una bella partita,nonostante la sconfitta(da solo ho fatto 26 punti,gli altri miei 9 compagni 25 in tutto),ho parlato dei miei problemi passati con altri esseri umani!e tante altre piccole cose che mi hanno aiutato parecchio!!Roberta è stata fantastica...solo con il suo sorriso ha cambiato(e continua a cambiare i miei momenti tristi)le mie giornate buie...non posso resistere quando sorride...e c'è ancora una persona che ha fatto un grosso lavoro:Melinda.nell'ultimo periodo ha fatto tante piccole,ma importanti,cose per me...è così profonda e sincera...Mely,sto ancora pensando all'sms che mi hai mandato...credimi,ogni cosa sta cambiando...in positivo...me lo sento davvero...Roby & Mely...VI VOGLIO BENE!!!

 

 

I made again my test to prove if you know me......try to do it......

 

ho rifatto il test personale per mettervi alla prova....per vedere se sapete davvero chi sono....vediamo che sapete fare.......

(è anche in italiano)

 

Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!oh God!!!I ROCK!!!!this is what is happened:after my 1st(great) date with Roberta i have seen the all-star game of basketball...awesome...then,after xmas and st. Stephen,on 27th december,i had the theory test of the driving licence:i have passed the day before the exam studying....before and during the test i was really,really,really scared....i was saying:"i will not pass it"....BUT I WAS WRONG!!!!3 MISTAKES!!!!!!yyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!let's rock!!!the day after i had another date with Roberta and it has been nice....because she's great.......really much....andd at 14.15 i took the train to Vienna......after many adventures finally i arrived!!!!i've met Claudia after 17 mounths!!!!!! after a interesting Vienna's tour(and a gorgeous lunch at burger king-Claudia you know what i'm talking about) in the evening we went to the karaoke pub.....SO FUNNY!!!!i had a really great time time!!!!after it we went in another cool pub and then we went to Lisa's place where i wrote some e-mails and finally i went to sleep(at 5.30 am i think)...on saturday i met Claudia's mother and in the evening we played at CRANIUM(really funny game)....and on sunday...party time!!!!!!!!at first because of Claudia's birthday(i celebrated it with her family in afternoon-and i met her grandfather Franz...So geil!!!!he's a riot!!!!) and also because it was the last day of 2006!!!!!!!!we had a really great time and i have been drunk for the 1st time in my life!!!!!good way to begin the new year(i hope....)!!!!!and on monday,after a day of rest,at 20.05 i took a f**king train and now i'm at home...i have to say thanks to everyone that i've met in Vienna....Manuel,Oliver,Lisa,Nili,Iuri,Stephen,Kati,Claudia....thanks for your company!i've never felt alone!!!!!You all are so great people!!!So geil!!!!i miss you!!!i enjoyed really much your company!!!!!i hope to meet you again this summer in Turin!!!!Everyone with a cool VESPA!!!!!HAB DICH LIEB to you all!!!!

My crysis is officially over!!!today i had a really good day:it was the 1st day of xmas' holiday;i saw the basketball's all-star game match;and(the most important thing)i had a date with Roberta.she's a really nice girl,blonde hair,green eyes,1.76 cm,16 years old and she has a really good personality:she has a strong character but she's also sweet,she's funny and she is always smiling... ...her smile is as bright as the sun...it mealts me....Anyway this was my day:i got up at 8.30am,i had breakfast,i got dressed and finally at 10 am i went out.after 50 minutes on the bus i arrived in turin;then i bought a xmas' present for Roberta(gloves) and a red rose;we met at 11.45am in the city center to go around;then we went in a restaurant to eat kebab.we talked for a long time....wow....after it we went to skate on ice in Solferino square....it was so nice....we skated 1 hour and then we went in a park where we stayed on a park bench and i had a really great time there....we talked really much and she stayed with her head on my left shoulder,so i hugged her with my left arm all the time....so sweet....and then our date is finished....i like her so much....i just hope i will not miss it....because it will hurt so much....she is great and i don't wanna lose this occasion....i tryed to make everything perfect and i will continue to do this.....i need a change in my life after the deepest crysis i've ever had....and i wanna fix the 1st point on her....i hope it will be good for this....anyway now it's late....so i go to dream her........bye bye...

december,18th,2006.The best day i have passed after school's beginning...at school it was another boring day...but the positive thing was i hadn't tests today...after school i went to the library to study from 3.00 pm to 6.55 pm...then out to take the train to go(finally!i was out from 6.55am!) at home...it was raining when i went down from the train...and i had my bike....i thought:"oh my God,my daily "luck"!"so under the rain i made 1.2 km....i was alone at home...my mom was with my grandpa in hospital,my brother was working and my father went to pick up him...i opened the door at 7.51 pm,i greet my cat,i came in and on the table i saw a letter....i took it,i saw the stamp and after a second i sayed:"wow...it comes from finland...."....it was a Lotta's letter....it contained a pic of her(i put it in spongebob's frame that i bought in hollywood and i put it by my bed),a letter and a ticket to say me "merry xmas and happy new year!"...and trust me when i say that while i was reading that letter i was crying....it is the best thing is happened to me in the last three mounths....sometimes i wish to have a time-machine to go back to california...and stop the time there....when i was in california i was missing just my family and not more than 3 people....with them it could be the perfect life....and it is not enough:my brother gave me my xmas' present:a dirk nowitzki's jersey....so cool...it is a great guy....sometimes i don't know how to do with him because he drives me crazy....but he's my brother...i love him....and i love lotta too....i know she's not my girlfriend,she lives in finland and on saturday i have a date with a girl ....but it doesn't matter....we love people are really close to us....affection is not enough sometimes.....i mean what can we say to people that do everything to make us happier???i don't know you,but usually i say "i love you" or at least i think it in my heart....i have never met a person that made me so confortable....i haven't forgot susanna...but with her there were other feelings...they were really good,but different....they were 8 mounths of love....in a different situation...obviously there were different feelings....i still love you lotta.....i will never forget you....everyday i dream to hug you again.....to see you smiling.....and i think it is possible...it will happen once again....because...NOTHING'S LITTLE WHEN LOVE'S BIG.....I LOVE YOU LOTTA.....

And you asked me what I want this year
And I'll try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe
We'll find better days

'Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
Designer love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe
We'll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
'Cause tonight's the night
The world begins again

I need someplace simple where we could live
And something only you could give
And that's faith and trust and peace while we're
Alive

And the one poor child who saved this world
There's 10 million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

I wish everyone was loved tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we'll
Find better days

I tried to convince me it was just a bad period....that it was going away...things were going better....they were just lies....i thought that my five stages helped me to think:"if i do them well,i haven't problems,i can do almost everything..."...i'm such an ass....and i'm a liar....i seem happy with people:my school mates,my team mates and a lot of people around me...sorry...but i can't be honest....why?because i'm proud,i'm scared(really scared) and i think telling the whole truth could make me too vurnerable....i'm so sorry with you,but try to understand me....it's not simple....i'm having a lot of feelings,toughts and worries....today while i was looking my history test i thought:"i am in a wrong way;i can't stand this situation anymore,i gotta leave the school because i haven't enough skills to try to make my own career" and "i am a mistake","I AM A FLOP".....and what is the conclusion?i have an appointment with the psychologist for next week.....................................................please don't look for me for some days.....leave me alone...thanks.................................

They are gone.....finally they are gone.....yesterday i fell in sleep on the table at 1.00am using the book as a pillow....it was terrible....i put the clock at 4.00am but i continued to sleep...i woke up at 6.41am and i sayed:"oh my God,i'm in trouble...i have something to study yet".at first i was depressed because i was thinking "it will go bad...."....but when i was there,i was scared of some mistake that then i didn't do.....but i was also thinking about a lot of things....my hard work....and about some people....Susanna you are an angel....i'm lost without you....you are always behind my back...and finally my mark was 6/7....usually i have better marks,but in this situation it can be enough....thanks to everyone that has taken also just one minute thinking of me,talking with me,giving me trust....i owe you so so much....you can't imagine how much....

Here i am...i'm surviving........i'm proud of my-self....today i did a great job too....so i can look foward to the LAST stage!!!!!i confess,i'm scared....but i believe in my-self...school is going better,today i had my 1st basketball training after my injury....and i did a great job....the situation is rising....but i was not able to do all this stuff without some people....Grace(Kriszti),Claudia,Roberta,Francesca(Regaldo),Francesca(Dalto's friend),Lotta and Susanna....thanks Friends.....i owe you so much.....i love you.....see you on thursday...for "My 5th stage".....

Hey!i came back from school 15 minutes ago....i'm exaust!!!!i have just studied this afternoon!!!!nothing else!!!today i had the 3rd stage:oh my god....i have to say thanks to my vocabulary....without it i was in crysis....it traslated almost everything....and Alberto(one of my schoolmates) did what the vocabulary didn't do!!!!i was lost without them!!!and here we come:tomorrow the 4th stage:i'm sure it will be good:i have worked so much to prepare it....so i'm not scared from it!now i gotta go!!!!see tomorrow!!!bye

Well,well,well....the 2nd stage is gone....and....i did it well!!!!!!!!yeah!!!!!but these first 2 stages were less difficult than the others....now i'm looking for my 3rd stage,latin(monday)....and i know my limits....so if it will go bad....it doesn't matter so much....i mean i will not be happy,it will change my situation just if it will be a positive mark....on tuesday philosophy....and that is hard!!!!but the most difficult is the last one....but i have to explain one thing:maybe someone can think in my life there's just the school....he/she is wrong....i know i talk so much about school but i have a different reason:i study because i need to know what i can do,what are my limits....what i can receive from my hard work....and because i'm proud....hehe...see ya....

OK...today i began the 1st of "My five stages"....Yesterday there was my marriage...hehe...it was (OBVIOUSLY) a joke,but it was so funny!!!i need to say thanks to Krisztina(my wife),Claudia(my witness) and Andrea(our cleric)....it helped me to make a smile...and it isn't simple in this period...anyway....my 1st stage was maths:i think i did it in a good way....i hope....tomorrow the 2nd step:english literature....Austen,Dickens and Tennyson... on monday the 3rd step:latin...tuesday the 4th:philosophy....and the last, but not the least, on thursday:508 pages of italian literature....i have a big motivation....i gotta prove who am i....i gotta react....today i had a nice day with Roberta....we walked together....we talked.....i also listened a lot of music....next week i will have the result of the first stage....i continue to fight....I will win my personal war....now it's time to go....see you tomorrow for the 2nd stage.....

ok guys....i wish to say things are going up....but i can't yet...next week is "THE WEEK OF FIRE"....this is the situation:i can't take my mind off 'cos my ankle is still painful,so i can forget my basketball trainings;school goes as it wants;and about everything else i need more luck.when i played last week,i had an injury on my ankle,but it's not enough:my coach sayed it was my worst match in last 2 years....GOSH!!!this is what i have in the next 10 days:1/12 maths' test;2/12 english's test;4/12 latin's test;5/12 philosophy's test;7/12 italian literature's test.and last test is the most difficult:usually to study a test as big as that i need at least 1 week:in this case i have 2 days....and you know what can happens if it goes wrong....i will feel sad,down....yesterday i picked a day to talk with some friends that i have negleted....i felt really good....thanks Kriszti....people from hungary,austria,finland help me more than people in here...strange....anyway if i must say how i feel now....i gotta say....i'm scared.really often i don't tell the whole truth to people in here:it is because i'm scared.i know that telling the whole truth could make me too vurnerable....and i don't need to be more vurnerable now.....it's already difficult in this way.....so i ask you a favor:if you have one minute everyday you don't know what to do....please,think of me,pray for me...do what you want....but try to help me....the only things you can do are those.and i will go on....i hope....but i need you now....don't leave me....

The rainbow is already gone away....Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why? and Why? what's happening?GOSH!now i'm crying my daily tears...could i have a friend to talk?i mean how much is difficult have the best friends away from me?claudia is in vienna,francesca is in roma,lotta is in helsinki....i will be sincere:at school the things go bad,i study,i don't understand a lot of my lessons,maybe the only person can help me from this year has changed school,so now if i'm lucky i see him once a week at basketball training(you can imagine how much is difficult to talk about life's problems in this situation)....i'm losing my-self...the foundations of my 18 years of life are crumbling...Roberta you can help me...with you life goes on better...i need you to find the power to resist until Christmas' holiday...then i can orgainze my life,take a breath and see my best friend after 1 and half year....Claudia....i can't stand this situation anymore....

Ok...i'm still here...i wanna start with a old sentence:"the rainbow comes after the storm"...and to continue it a indian sentence says:"children go over the ruins to play after each war"....and it means my situation:after an unexpected strong storm,i can see the rainbow,the light at the end of tunnel...Roberta is taking up my mind(and not just my mind...) the all day,school is raising and i'm happier than before...so cool...anyway i hope it will be a long and happy period,full of smile and satisfactions in all my life's fields.i gotta go now.take care and see ya....

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH(it's my scream)!--->i mean....i wanna explodeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHAT THE HELL I'M DOING?!or maybe it's better if i say:"WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO ME?!i can't understand....i'm just wasting my time and my energies....i've never been in a situation as negative as this....i tell you what:I hoped Mantova could have more effects on me....but:yesterday my girlfriend dismissed me,i'm losing all my training because of study and when i have matches i play so bad,my school average is going indeed too down,some of my "friends" still consider not me...and why?because i'm giving the 100%!THE SISTEM IS A FUCKING  WHORE!!!!!!!!!IT TOTALLY SUCKS!!!!!!!SCREW IT!!!!!GOD WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!?!ON VACATION?ARE YOU BUSY?ANSWER ME,I AM LOOKING FOR YOUR HELP!!!!!!Anyway thanks to FRANCESCA(di Roma) and FEDERICO(Dirupo!!)-you are helping me so much....

Here we come.again.but this time i've positive news and i use just one word to describe them:MANTOVA.it was really awesome,nobody (except people who came with me) can describe how i felt there;i mean i was happy all the time!and you know it is not so simple in this period,isn't it?i tell you what:a question for all of you:do you remember the last time you had a really positive and good day with a 24 hours smile on your face?for me it was a long time ago:i mean everyday i have something that makes me sad,drives me crazy!!!!and probably almost all of you are in the same situation,aren't you?well,obviously after Mantova the things aren't the same:i still have a huge number of preoccupations about school and a lot of things,but until the next day as positive as Mantova was,i can find more power because i think that i'm doing my jobs,my activities to have again days as Mantova,joining with fantastic people as my class (thank you guys) and my friend Silvia(Grazie amica Silvia!!!).So,hoping to have 365 each year like the day in Mantova(i didn't tell you the date yet:it was november,13th,2006),i leave you smiling.See ya...

After a long period i decided to write again on my blog but this time i have not positive news...i write because i need to explode,to scream,to fly away,but i can't do those things,so i'm writing,while i'm hoping someone will find 2 minutes to read this text and to think about me...and maybe to pray for me...Anyway i tell you what:have you ever seen your results thinking "it seems that i have wasted my time and my hard work because this time hard work doen't pay off"?i hope no for you because it's not really good...Well,this is my situation...and it sucks!!!but now i have no solutions,because i haven't ideas why i'm crashing on a wall and i don't have ropes to climb that fucking wall,my energy is not enought...WHY?!?!?!maybe i know:always in my life people say:"often people with less skills and more will go further than people with a lot of skills and less will"but i have some questions for you all:"are you really sure about it?"i mean i can't agree with you-"have you ever opened your eyes?i don't think so,all around me i have people that work indeed less than me and have the same results or sometimes better...and why?because they are smarter than me for example".Anyway i hope this text will help you to think about you and to draw a moral from it:"HARD WORK PAYS OFF(in fact i will continue to work and fight because i wanna be a winner in life and i have just patience and will).....BUT NOT ALWAYS..."